Knocked Up
by xblkdragonx
Summary: China is tired of Russia's stamina and libido and does something no one expected...he pretends to be pregnant and things get a little out of hand....No Mpreg
1. Oopsy

Like usual, Russia sat at the counter, smiling as he admired China's slender form as he cooked them breakfast.

Watching the smaller nation finish laying down the congee and Chinese donuts, Russia grabbed him by the waist, dragging him onto his lap.

"Aiyaaah, what are you doing aru?" China exclaimed, trying to struggle out of the Russians grasp.

China stiffened when he heard Russia whisper into his ear, "Can I have you for breakfast instead?"

The Chinese nation stared at him shocked for a moment before glancing away, a blush on his cheeks, "I-Ivan…I have something I want to tell you."

Russia began unknotting the apron from the other, "Hmm, tell me after I've 'eaten'."

"I'm pregnant aru."

"…"

"…"

"…You're a man…."

"People always did say I resembled a woman."

"…We're nations…we can't-"

"There are benefits to being an immortal," China shrugged.

He wrapped his arms around Russia's shoulders, looking at him with doe eyes, "Are you not happy, aru?"

Russia carefully set China back on the ground, "I need some vodka. Very,_ very_ strong vodka."

China sat back on the stool, smiling at Russia's back as he rummaged through the cabinet, "Don't drink too much. I want you to come with me to the doctor's later for a check up."

The shot glass crashed to the floor; China was too satisfied with himself to care, however. He was too busy enjoying the panicked look of the winter nation.

When Russia finds out the truth, there would be hell to pay, but it'll _all_ be worth it. Not only would it teach him a lesson and tone down their sex life, China got to see his flustered face. Revenge was very sweet indeed.

Who knew pretending to be pregnant could be so fun?

* * *

EDIT: If I ever do write this out, Yao actually paid the doctor to say he was pregos when he mentioned to get a check up. How conniving Yao XD

A/N: I would usually post this in my blog because 1)it's not a finished story and 2) isn't up to my standard of writing but LOL this idea was so funny, I couldn't help but share it. I will flesh this out later (maybe) when I finish my other stories.

I got this idea when I read my waifu's RC comic about Yao being tired of Ivan's er…appetite for smex and right after I read that, I read a doujin about the seme dreaming about his uke popping out kids. Putting those two together, this idea came about XD

If no one got it, Yao basically wants to teach Ivan a lesson for wanting smut all the time by pretending to be pregnant. The scary thing is, LOL, people would actually believe him hahaha.


	2. Plotting: Prequel

A/N: Hello everyone! I shall be continuing "Knocked Up" in a series of one shots. Meaning other than the beginning and the end, the chapters can be read in any order with no interconnecting theme between them other than the fact that Yao is pretending to be pregos.

This, btw, is a prequel to the first chapter since I didn't have the heart to rewrite it.

* * *

China groaned. His head hurt, his body ached, and he didn't get enough sleep. Slowly, he tried to lift himself from the bed but promptly flopped back down, exhausted. He growled when he felt the cause of his pain and misery snuggle closer to him.

All night. _ALL FREAKING NIGHT!_ How much sex does one person need?!?! You'd think after the second round it would tire anyone out, but no. It just kept on going and going like the energizer bunny. Honestly, at this point, China was contemplating murder. It was either he dies from the love making or the sex machine disappears from the face of the earth….

He moved his legs and winced, feeling _something_ oozing out of him. Ugh. Great. Now he was going to get an upset stomach too with the sheer amount of time the stupid Russian came in him. If he was a woman, he'd _definitely_ be pregnant at this point; probably popping out triplets or more.

China glanced to the side of the bed. The full length mirror hanging on the closet door reflected the sorry form he was in. He frowned. At this point, he _wished _he actually was a woman and pregnant. Maybe then would Russia stop asking for sex. Oh, he could order him around too! Pregnant wives did that to their husbands all the time didn't they? Contrary to all thought, Russia was a very caring person and more than likely would dote on him if he did conceive. He took in a deep breathe, sighing. If only….

He stared at the mirror again, noticing the way his hair fell gracefully over his shoulders. He hated being called a woman but he must admit, right now, he did look like one. His mind started to turn, a plan hatching in his diabolical mind.

_Huh, guess there are benefits to looking like a woman…._

_If Ivan asks for sex at an unreasonable time __**again**_**….**

…_This was going to be fun…._


	3. Road to Parenthood

A/N: The italicized beginning of each chapter is a "theme" for Yao's revenge.

* * *

_Damn bastard came in me _**again**….

_Does he know how many times I've had diarrhea because of that?!? _

_Just making him scared isn't enough to atone for his sins and my medical bills…._

**3 hours ago**

"Excuse me, sir?"

China handed him some money. "I said, tell that big guy over there, 'Congratulations, you're wife is 3 weeks pregnant," he jerked his head towards where Russia was sitting in a chair, twiddling his thumbs, his eyes darting back and forth frantically as he waited for him to finish his 'check-up'.

"But sir! You-you're a man! Men can't have children! Who would be dumb enough to believe such an outrageous lie! Where would the baby come out?!"

China placed his hands on the bewildered physician's shoulders, "Believe me…there are a lot of idiots out there in the world; most of them are running your countries."

**Present**

"…and then we should buy a crib, baby walkie talkies. Oh and Ivan~" China smiled, placing his hand affectionately on Russia's forearm.

Russia made a quick glance to the other nation, keeping his eyes on the road as he drove. He smiled tightly, "Yes, Yao?"

"What shall we name our kids?"

"…what do you mean _kids_? As in more than one?!" Russia had nothing but a cool, calm demeanor and never, ever behaved with anything less than manliness. At that moment though, his face turned pale and his voice became high pitched as he squeaked out his fear to China.

China grabbed onto the wheel when Russia buried his head in his hands, sobbing, "No…I-I can't….I'm too young to have kids…."

The Chinese nation pulled on the emergency breaks and the car skidded to an abrupt stop, almost spinning out of control. Throughout it all, Russia just kept murmuring "How he wasn't ready to be a father yet," and "If I had known, I would've used protection."

China grabbed onto his sleeve, tugging until a violet eye peeked at him warily through gloved fingers. He beamed up at the Russian, "No worries, Ivan! Raising a child, is almost like raising a sibling. You took care of Belarus when she was a kid right? Look at how she turned out!"

For once, China made Russia cry.


	4. Let Them Eat Cake

A/N: =w= I updated every ongoing fic except for Knocked Up…this is such a plotless story, I don't even know what I'm doing with it. This will be the last update for "Knocked Up" until I finish "Hide and Seek" and "First Beyond Reason."

If anyone was wondering what happened to the original ch4 "Snip Snip", I took it down because I just plain didn't like it. If I can come up with a better outline for it, I might rewrite it, but for now it won't be included.

* * *

_Ding Dong Ding Dong Knock Knock Ding Dong Ding Dong Knock Knock Knock Ding Dong Ding Dong _

"Alright! Alright! I'm coming, cheri! Don't kill my doorbell s'il vous plait!" France yelled as he yanked open the door…and instantly paled.

France clutched his chest and staggered a few feet back, surprised, shocked, and afraid at the unexpected sight of Russia standing on his front porch. Russia usually scared the living daylights out of France, but this was beyond just scary. Russia looked liked a mess! His eyes were bloodshot, he had 5 o'clock shadow, and he was still wearing his pajamas and slippers.

"Ah…Russia-chan, if you don't mind Nii-san asking, why are you here?" France asked, his heart at last calming down from the frightful appearance of Russia. "Isn't it around 4 in the morning at your place?"

"…rea…" Russia mumbled unintelligibly.

France leaned in closer, "Excuse?"

Russia looked at him pleadingly and France almost felt his heart break. Whatever made Russia seek him out, must be dire indeed. He wasn't sure what he could do, but he would do his best to-

"Bread…I need some French bread," Russia managed to croak out.

"What? You came all the way here for some bread?" France couldn't keep the confusion out of his voice, "I know Nii-san's food is delicious but-"

"BRING THEM NOW FRANCE!" Russia roared, his hands tightening on the waterpipe he carried with him for mental support, but somehow even that didn't help. "Bring them now or I swear on General Winter, I will bash your head open. Ha ha ha….Hahahhahahah HAHAHAHAHA."

France hurried back into his house "Russia cracked! Russia finally cracked!" The French thought as he tried to slam his door shut, but Russia was too fast for him and wedged his pipe through the small opening. With almost no effort at all, he broke the door off its hinge. The long haired blond cowered on the floor in fear, watching Russia slowly approach him with a maniacal smile on his lips. The Russian plunged the metal pipe straight down at the floor.

_CRACK_

The floorboards broke into pieces, right next to France's pallid face. "You bring me bread now, da?"

France fainted

-_2 day later-_

China eyes fluttered open at precisely 3am; his internal clock ever on schedule. For a moment, he stretched and yawned, sleep still tugging at him, but revenge is revenge after all. Sacrifices must be made. He turned on his side, coming face to face with the sleeping form of Russia's back.

"Iv-" China started murmuring, nudging the large shoulder, but stopped short when Russia instinctively turned towards him.

"Nngh…Jao…," Russia said in his sleep with a frown.

The smaller man, on the other hand, almost couldn't contain the giggle from bubbling forth. He scooted closer and placed a light kiss on Russia's lips to erase some of the nightmares that must be plaguing him.

"...N…nooo…I don't…w-wanna," Russia cried out.

China smiled at how utterly adorable a troubled sleeping Russia was. Almost unable to resist, he gathered the big child close to his chest to both comfort and stifle his cries. The larger nation stiffened in his arms, but after a few minutes China felt the steady rise and fall of Russia's chest as he fell back into a peacefully slumber. He ruffled the messy silver hair and snuggled deeper into the bed with the Russian, giving up his plans for today

Usually China's voice bought erotic dreams, however in the pasts few days, the only time Russia ever hears the sweet voice invade his dreams was when China demanded that he and the baby was hungry. The first time, Russia didn't mind. He had read up a little about pregnancy and the odd cravings at odd times. What he didn't expect was China's outrageous demand for _authentic _food. First it was Korea, which was fine, then Japan…then India…France….Always, always at 3am. Russia's body almost couldn't take it anymore. Whenever he hears China's voice in his sleep now, dread would course through the larger nation's body

Just before China fell asleep, hugging the Russian's body tightly, he whispered into the other's ear, "Tomorrow I want Spanish food."

Russia whimpered as he dreamt of a fat Yao chasing him with a butcher's knife.

* * *

A/N: Thank you yukidari and devi for giving me this idea. If no one got it, China has basically been sending Russia all around the world to bring him back food. The theme of his revenge?

_You made me lose my sleep...I make you lose yours _

Btw, I think out of other nations, I use France the most XD. I just love that guy.


	5. Meeting the Classmates

A/N: A cameo from USUK in the next few chapters

Because I lost interest in this story I'm not writing

1) Russia was denied his vodka because China said his 'delicate constitution' couldn't handle it

2) China kicked Russia out of the room because he wanted the bed all to himself. But in the middle of the night, Russia wakes up to see China snuggled up next to him on the small sofa because he 'was too cold' (and lonely) by himself.

3) Mood swings

4) Telling Russia the baby kicked but then stops when Russia comes running. An endless cycle

Ah…another thing I wanted to point out is that I know I kinda make it seem like they're living together but in truth, they're not. They live separately but visit each other from time to time and sleep over (which explains the morning breakfast and sleeping together at night), but with China's 'condition', Russia has been visiting China's house more often.

* * *

"Yao…." Russia sighed as China registered their names with the receptionist. He was having trouble keeping his eyes open, completely tired from the flight. "Couldn't we have taken parenting lessons in Beijing or Moscow even? Why did we have to fly all the way to _Berwald's place_?"

Laughing and still full of youthful energy, China linked arms with Russia, dragging him forward to the classroom. "Because people say Sweden is the best place to raise kids. They're programs are bound to be the best aru." He turned his big, round eyes onto the larger man, lightly touching his rounded stomach. "Don't you want what's best for our future children and me aru?"

At the sudden change in the China's tone of voice, Russia immediately became alert. After a month of constant mood swings, he has conditioned his body to catch them before the Chinese man threw a tantrum. "Now, Yao~ Y-you know I always wants what's best for you." He slowly moved his arms to hug the smaller nation, never breaking their eye contact.

"Never show them fear. Must tread carefully." Were the constant thoughts running through Russia's head. "It's just that I thought it was bad for _your health_ if you're flying on a plane while you're in such a _delicate_ condition da?" He tried to say sweetly as possible.

China narrowed his eyes, glaring. As China took a deep breath to begin his tirade, Russia raised his eyes upward and prayed he would survive this.

"WHO'S BLOOD FUCKING FAULT IS IT THAT I'M LIKE THIS ANYWAY!**"** A familiar voice shouted a few feet away from them. "Don't blame my pregnancy for you not wanting to come here, you bastard!"

"Awww but Iggy!!! I'm just worried about you! You're- Ouch! Watch where you're hitting, sugarplum."

"Sweet talking won't get you anywhere, fatty!"

China and Russia exchanged glances.

_Do you think…._

_Impossible…_

"Must be another British-American couple aru," China said unconvincingly

"Nope," Russia pointed as the crowd parted to reveal the arguing pair, "It's our thick-browed friend and fatty."

"Like I said, must be another British with caterpillar eyebrows and super-sized American." He tugged on Russia's arm, forgetting his earlier anger, "Let's go before they see us aru."

Too late.

"Ah! Yao! Ivan!" America yelled across the room, waving at them. He turned back to England, "Look it's the Commies! Let's go say hi, my little munchkin?"

"You just want to distract me," England growled, but willingly followed the American, "And stop giving me weird nicknames!"

"But you were complaining earlier that I didn't give you enough love. This is how we do it in America, puddin'"

"Will you just shut the fu-"

China cleared his throat.

"Oh," England blushed, "Hey…how-"

"So why are you two here?" America cut in.

"Goddamn it, Al, let me finish talking for once!"

"But, you were taking too long!"

Ignoring the next brewing argument from the stupid couple, Russia wrapped his arm around China's shoulder and nestled him close. "I think we're here for the same reason as you."

"What do you…." China blushed from embarrassment as America settled his gaze on his slight bulge. "Oh…"

"That's what I was trying to say before you opened your big mouthed and asked the stupid question, you idiot." England elbowed America in the stomach.

America, not even feeling a thing, leered at Russia. "So…trying to take over the world again huh?"

Russia raised a delicate brow. "I have no idea what you're saying."

"Don't lie!" America stilled England's fist still trying to pummel him and pulled him close by the waist – mimicking Russia and China's own intimate embrace. "You knock up Yao and make more commie kids. I can see through you so easily…."

"And to think for a moment I was worried what you were going to say," A cold, gentle smile graced Russia's lips. "I'm not a communist country anymore remember? But of course, I forgot you had hamburgers for brains. Much worse than a goldfish with a 3 second memory da?"

America laughed. "Once a commie, always a commie, I say." He returned Russia's smile with one of his own, this one full of confidence and smugness. "If you're not a communist country anymore, then what? A capitalist? Wanna admit I was the best after all?"

"I'll admit it once you stop hounding Yao-Yao for more money~"

China groaned while England slapped a hand to his forehead, going, "Dear Lord, not again."

"What number is this?" China mouthed to England

"Unofficial Cold War CCXXXVII," England whispered back.

"You actually keep track aru?"

"Shut up!"

As expected, the Cold War pair quickly switched from barely concealed barbed words and insults before reducing to simple name-calling.

"Commie!"

"I'll take that as a compliment, dear Alfred~"

"Fatso!"

"I'm not fat! I'm big-boned!" Russia countered, "And only a fatty would call another person fat, fatty."

"I'm not fat! I'm muscled toned!" American shook his head, "Doesn't matter! I'm still bigger than you down there."

"So says the XS condom wearing man."

At that moment, the two turned to their respective lovers and asked at the same time, "Who is bigger?"

China and England just stood there stunned.

"Um…Al…" England was the first to recover. "I wouldn't know…I…I haven't…you know, with him….J-just you and-"

China stomped his foot. "How would I know aru! Don't ask such embarrassing things!"

Completely forgetting about his fear of China's mood swings, Russia hugged the fuming Chinese close to him, "Well as you know what they say, it's not the size that matters but how you use it." He nuzzled into the black, silky hair and gave the four-eyes a triumphant grin, "Yao and I are going to have fraternal twins. That's _two_ different sperms if you can't count that high."

"Tw-two?" America stumbled back as if someone had shot him but quickly recovered. "Ahem, whatever. You're still impotent in my book. Took you _how_ long before you got those two kids? 'Bout time you finally got some action." He smirked, "I'm only 3 centuries old and BAM, knocked England up and got my first kid!"

"Okay, that's it!" England flung America's arm off him and stormed off in the opposite direction. "I can't take this conversation anymore."

"Where ya going, Iggy?"

"Bathroom break!"

"Should I-" America began.

"No!" England barked back, "I can't take anymore idiot right now."

"I'll be right here still~ Call me if you need me, muffin cakes"

England gave him the bird.

"Isn't he the cutest thing?" America sighed.

Russia and China gave no comment.

When England's back finally disappeared, America switched his gaze back onto China.

"Wh-what aru?" China squirmed under the steady blue eyes.

" I was just wondering…." America started.

"Yes aru?"

"Do you think you could give me the width and length of Ivan's dick and how many times he came in you before he got you pregos? Then I can compare it to mine and we can once and for all-"

"GYA!" China yelled, pushing away from Russia, "Wait for me, Arthur! I'm coming with you aru!"

* * *

A/n: Is crack...so much crack....


	6. Girl Talk

A/N:

Trying to finish this puppy up at super speed

Continuation of "Meeting the Classmates" This is a conversation between two pregnant people with a touch of dementia.

* * *

The moment China and England waddled into the men's bathroom with their round stomachs, some men ran screaming out.

"What's their problem?" England asked.

"It's not often that a pregnant _man_ walks into a men's bathroom, let alone _two_ aru…."

The two 'pregnant' nations just gazed at each other in silence- assessing.

China folded his hands in front of him and waited.

His patience was rewarded when England finally sighed, running his hand through his short blond hair. "Look, Yao, we're both not stupid so let's be honest with each other."

"Of course aru. I wouldn't want it otherwise."

England crossed his arms right above his protruding belly. "First things first, you're not _really_ pregnant right? I mean if you were, it actually wouldn't be that surprising considering how girly-"

"No aru, I'm not damn it!" China yelled.

"Easy there, old fella, I was just making sure." England scratched his head. "You'd think after 5 millenniums of people mistaking him for a girl, China would be use to it by now," England thought before clearing his throat. "Ah…well…as you can guess, I'm not either…."

"Well, of course aru." China jerked a thumb back behind him. "Only Ivan and Alfred would be stupid enough to believe men could get pregnant."

"Alfred is one thing. A little story about alien encounter of the 4th kind and he instantly believed me, but how'd you get Ivan to believe you?" England asked, intensely curious, "Ivan didn't strike me as a type to fall for something like this…."

China shrugged his shoulders. "Something about being an immortal and looking like a girl aru."

"No way!" England gasped, "And he fell for it?"

"I paid a doctor too aru," China smirked.

England whistled at the devious plot but then pursed his lips. "You know, you could've just told him you had a kid before. Like Hong Kong. He'd be definitely believe you if you said that!"

"Ew! That's disgusting aru! Reducing my _brother _to my _son_?" China said scandalized, "Plus, that'd mean I had him with _you_!" China raised an eyebrow. "You do know how jealous Ivan can get don't you aru? Don't even think about walking outside of your London townhouse without getting hospitalized…."

"Good point. Didn't think of that."

"You know," China suddenly said, putting a finger on his lips, "I've noticed this earlier but what are you using as you're stomach aru? It looks so realistic!"

"Oh this?" England unbuttoned his shirt, revealing a cotton vest with a gelatinous pouch. "I got this customized from a Hollywood special effects company. Touch it! It feels real too!"

China poked it. "I hate to admit it, but I'm slightly jealous aru."

"What are you using?"

"The standard pillow tied around with ropes around your stomach aru."

"Doesn't he notice? You two still share a bed right?"

"Sometimes aru," China sighed, "but it's been a bother recently since I have to sleep on my back instead of my stomach aru and _still_ be conscious enough just in case Ivan tries to hug me at night. Must be on guard at all times or else he'll find out."

"Oh I know exactly what you mean! Never knew pregnant women had it this tough until I pretended to be one. I think it's actually harder to pretend, really."

China tilt his head and gave England an inquisitive look. "So…why are you pretending to be pregnant aru?"

"To get the stupid idiot to finally propose marriage," England replied as he re-buttoned his shirt. "What about you?"

"I needed a break from our constant bed-breaking love making. It gave me diarrhea and was leaving me hunched back."

"Wow, must've been tough. How far along are you?"

China touched his pillowed-stomach, "I think I can pull this off for another 2-3 weeks aru."

England watched his bulging reflection in the mirror. "I'm about to have a 'miscarriage' in another month or so."

"Right before or after the wedding aru?" China asked.

"Hm, I'm not sure yet. Before so it wouldn't be a shotgun wedding but then it'll entirely ruin the mood though."

China gave England a concern look. "Just make sure it's before the honeymoon…."

"Oh, of course!" England rolled his eyes at the obvious. "Anyway, make sure to come console me when I'm lying on the hospital bed."

"Alright, call me aru."

"Remember to look sad!"

"…er…I'll try aru…." China said hesitantly.

England smiled, "Shall we get back before Ivan or Alfred declares a nuclear war?"

"Yes, that sounds like a great idea." China returned the smile.

As the walked along side by side, each had an inner thought about the other:

_Arthur's way too desperate for Alfred's love. How embarrassing…._

_Ivan's gonna fucking rape __China__'s ass later when he finds out…._

And they just kept smiling to one another.

* * *

A/N:

I tried to keep the tone of conversation 'normal' while what they're talking about is anything BUT normal. Hope that came through.

This is the last comedic piece of "Knocked Up". I know people are reading this because of the humor but as "Knocked Up" is coming to a close, I must address the issue of Yao getting busted and Ivan finding out. The next 2 chapters are more serious and deal with the emotional aspect of their relationship. If you want to keep the comedic aspect of this story, I suggest you skip "Regrets" and "Baby Shower".


	7. S'more please

A/N:

Sweden reference brought to you by IceSnowAndGlamour who suggested it. For some reason this fic has the most APH characters than anything else I wrote lol. =w= Belarus and the Asian siblings will make a brief appearance later….

* * *

China gave himself one final glance in the men's bathroom mirror and smiled, allowing for a moment a look of triumphant to grace his features. "Perfect."

He only had a brief look at England's fake stomach but that was all he needed to make an identical copy. He wasn't the world's number one mass producer for nothing.

China pursed his lips as he smoothed out an non-existent wrinkle from his round belly. The material was much heavier than he had imagined. The vest itself was made of light fabric, but it matter not since the gelatin made most of the weight. How could England bare to wear this? China was only pretending to be a month or two pregnant meaning only a light bulge was needed but already the small bulge was hurting his back. And England wants a few more months?!

Shaking his head slightly, China let out a long-suffering sigh. The things pregnant men had to do. When- and not if- Russia figured out he was never with child to begin with…China paled from the thought. He wouldn't be able to sit for days and might even need a wheelchair to get around. Yes, prolonging this might be the best idea. It might have been for revenge at first but now it was for basic survival.

Maybe toning down on the torture would make Russia less…rough later on, China thought as he reached for the door. However, pondering on it again, it was Russia's adorable crying face that would make all the suffering he would go through all worth it. Decisions, decisions….

" 'llo, Yao." Sweden's looming face greeted China the moment he opened the door.

China clutched his heart pounding heart. "B-Berwald! Wh-why are you standing in front of the men's bathroom a-aru? Wh-where's Ivan?" China stuttered every few words, still startled by Sweden's sudden appearance. And people thought Russia was scary….

"I'm here, Yao-Yao." Russia waved at China from his seat. "Are you done using the bathroom?"

China nodded stiffly. Keeping a wary eye on the Swedish nation, China slowly began edging away from him before making a dash towards Russia's side.

"I thought I told you to keep people away from the restroom while I was inside aru!" China whispered viciously in an effort to disguise the relief he felt in Russia's presence.

"Ah well, Berwald was asking me a question and I didn't know the answer so I told him to ask you~" Russia said sweetly, trying to loosen the death grip China had on his coat.

"A question?" China asked, "What kind of question aru?"

"You see, since we've been coming here for a week now, Berwald finally found out about our secret," Russia happily announced.

China couldn't decide: did he want to die from embarrassment or pure horror that another nation found out. "A-and?" China grounded out between his teeth.

"So he wanted to find out how you got pregnant." Russia continued to smile. "He went and asked America first, but you know how he is. He told Sweden here to get abducted by aliens. How stupid is that?"

Sweat started to run down China's back. If Russia finds out now, he was going to kill the idiotic blond couple and then himself. "Y-yeah. S-stupid aru."

Russia suddenly hugged China and nuzzled into his hair . "So he came to find us. When you were inside, he asked me how did we finally get a child." He lifted his head to stare quizzically into China's panic stricken eyes. "But you know…I honestly don't know."

"Ah ha ha," China laughed nervously, "I told you before didn't I aru?"

China turned away before Russia could reply and turned to Sweden, "Why do you want to know aru? This isn't because you're afraid Russia and I are going to introduce a new nation are you? Rest assured-"

" 'inland." Sweden interrupted China.

"Can you say that again aru?"

" M' wife, Finland. I want to start a f'mily too."

China's eyes grew wide. "Oh"

He cleared this throat, "But…uh…don't you already have Sealand aru…."

"Want m're."

"…."

China grabbed onto Russia's hand and waddled away as fast as he could, yelling back to the Swedish nation, "Alien abduction aru! Anal probe! Sure fire way to work aru! Good luck to you and Finland aru!"

* * *

A/N:

Lol, still light-hearted because I can't imagine turning the Sweden part into heartache. Working on the next two chapters now. Will be posted later tonight (maybe).


	8. Miracles Happen Everyday

A/N: LOL wow….100 reviews…I bet you're all just looking forward to see Yao's butt get raeped raw….Anyways, I'd like to thank the ppl who left multiple reviews. If not, this wouldn't even hit 30. So thank you **WhimsicalShmoo, Hasegawa, HappyDaez, Yukidaru, IceSnowAndGlamour, Sexykill69, **and** UcHiHaHyUuGa**. If I missed your name, I apologize but these were the ones that I memorized because of the recent reviews.

Special shout out to **Nijibug **and** F** because if it weren't for them and their continued encouragement and love for this story, I would've ended at Chapter 3. So lots of hugs and loves to those two.

**WARNING:** Sap up ahead. Like I said earlier, read only if you don't care about keeping the humor.

* * *

China was dragging Russia down the endless hallway at surprising speed. "Is Sweden still behind us aru?"

"Berwald?" Russia glanced behind him. "No, I don't see him. Slow down, Yao, or you'll hurt yourself!"

China sighed with relief, doing as he was told and stopped running. That was close. If Sweden had asked anymore questions, he would have been exposed...or maybe not. Thinking back on it now, Sweden was actually asking him how to impregnate poor Finland. Is everyone out in the world deranged? Why isn't anyone pointing at him and screaming, "You fraud!" but instead all the nations so far easily believed him. China shook his head. Honestly, if he really _was _ pregnant, he would fear for his child's future in this idiotic world.

China was just thinking he wasted his money on bribing the doctor when Russia's voice penetrated his thoughts. "Yao…."

"Hm?"

"Why did you lie to Sweden?" Russia gave the smaller nation a curious look. "Why didn't you just tell him the truth?"

Damn. China was hoping Russia would forget too. However, China was the master of survival and quickly thought on his feet. "Well you see, Vanya," China looped an arm through the larger nation's, leading him on a leisure stroll down the corridor, "I didn't want to disappoint Sweden since it seemed like he truly desired a baby aru. I mean England is pregnant too, despite not being an immortal right? If alien abduction worked for him, it can work for Finland right aru?"

"We should give Finland a cow suit and wish them luck aru," China joked.

Still, Russia didn't look convinced. China was anticipating the questions Russia was going to ask; his mind already scrambling for possible answers when luckily, just as the Russian opened his mouth to speak, someone called out to them.

"Excuse me," A young pretty woman quietly said. She was clinging to the side of the wall, a hand over her obvious pregnant stomach. "I don't mean to be a bother, but could you possibly help me over to the seats over there? I don't think I can stand up much longer…."

She didn't even need to ask twice. Russia walked to her briskly, scooped her in his arms before gently placing her on a chair by the receptionist area.

"Thank you so much," The young woman smiled at Russia. "I didn't know what to do if you weren't here."

China sat right beside the young lady. The color of her skin was pallid with sweat dotting her forehead. He fished out a handkerchief from his pocket and began wiping away the sweat.

"I hope you don't mind me asking," Russia sat on the other side of the woman, "but are you alone?"

Endeared by Russia's threatening tone on her behalf, the young lady chuckled, "My husband is getting me a drink of water and should be back soon.

"That's no excuse," Russia growled.

The woman laughed, a sound like tinkling of bells. She turned towards China. "You're a very lucky woman to have such a caring husband, Mrs…?"

China ignored the question. It would be too difficult to explain that they weren't married and that it should be 'mister' and not 'missus'. "I'll have to agree with Ivan here aru. You're husband shouldn't have left you alone aru. Are you sure you're alright? Should we get someone to look at you aru?"

"Thank you for your concern," The woman sighed, "but it's just a false contraction." She gave China a smile. "You'll get it too when you hit your second trimester. I just hope yours are painless unlike mine."

"It'll never get to the second trimester," China silently thought, but nodded his head nonetheless. He got up from his seat and gave a slight bow to the young woman. "Well then, if you're sure you're fine, we'll be leaving now. Let's go Ivan aru."

Russia slowly got up, still uneasy leaving a pregnant woman by herself. He only reluctantly left when the lady waved him away with encouragement. "Go. I'm fine. Thanks for earlier though. I-" She cut off her sentence as she clutched her stomach, gasping.

"Yao, I don't think we should leaver her alone," Russia said, his voice laced in concern. Immediately, he was by the young woman's side again, his arm around her shoulder in comfort. "Where's that husband of yours? You need to go to the hospital."

She shook her head. "It's nothing. The baby just suddenly kicked." She bent her head, whispering softly to her unborn child, "He doesn't like that his mommy is in pain does he?"

Standing where he was, China saw Russia tentatively reach a hand out, but quickly stopped himself. He had no right to ask a married woman if he could touch her stomach. The young woman noticed Russia's hesitation, though, and smiled.

"Did you want to feel the baby?" she asked.

"C-can I?" Russia said hopefully.

"Of course! You did help me early." She placed Russia's hand on her underbelly.

China stood where he was, watching them concentrate silently as they waited for the baby. Watching Russia's face, he knew the exact moment when the child kicked.

Despite living for centuries, it was Russia's first time experiencing something both incredibly mundane and miraculous. It was not until this moment, feeling the tiny life move beneath his hand, did he realize he and China were going to have a baby. A family. They were going to be a family….

The moment Russia's eyes lit up with wonder and excitement, China felt his mouth become parched. When Russia gave him a beautiful, silly smile full of love, tenderness, and hope, he felt his heart drop.

Yes, revenge was sweet, but even the sweetness couldn't overwhelm the bitterness taste of guilt.

Looking at the joyful expression painted on Russia's face, China tried to swallow the hard lump in his throat.

_What had he done…._


	9. Eternal Love

Ever since they left Sweden's place, China was unusually quiet. When Russia asked if he was alright, China shook his head, saying he was just exhausted from the day's events. Russia nodded his head and told him to sleep on the airplane; he would wake him up when they landed back in Beijing. China agreed without much of a fight, laying his head contently on the Russian's large shoulders. Russia hummed a soft, gentle lullaby. China would have smiled at the other nation's antics- he was old enough not to be sung to sleep- but he couldn't. This was probably a lullaby Russia would have hummed to their non-existent child. He closed his eyes and pretended to fall asleep, a dull pain stabbing at his heart.

"Yao, are you still tired?" Russia asked when they arrived home, depositing their luggage on the floor.

China mutely nodded his head, heading for their bedroom. He was emotionally tired; at least he wasn't lying about that. He laid in bed, staring listlessly at the while ceiling. Russia had followed him into the room, worried. China didn't say anything as Russia silently laid beside him, holding him close.

"Did I do something wrong?" Russia whispered into his hair, "Even if I don't know what it was, I'm sorry."

China shook his head, his hands clutching tightly to Russia's shirt. Not a word passed between them, the house was deathly silent. Time ticked by slowly, neither able to sleep. Every tic-toc of the clock, increased Russia's anxiety.

China was breaking away from him. Even though every inch of their bodies pressed against one another, China felt an eternity away. He didn't understand why. What happened between seeing Sweden and they're flight home?

"Yao, do you want to be with me?" Russia's soft voice seemed to reverberate loudly through the quiet room.

"Of course I do." China buried his face deeper into the larger nation's chest, hating with every fiber of his being the bulge separating him and Russia.

"Forever and ever?" Russia chuckled with relief, unaware his own happiness was the cause of China's distress. "We'll be together forever won't we?"

China swallowed hard, "Forever is a long, long time, Ivan."

For some reason, in this intimate moment Russia was building for them, tears were forming in China's eyes. Russia was holding him so gently, trusting him with his whole being. He was holding him like a delicate treasure, afraid he'll shatter if held too tightly but unable to let him slip through his fingers. This warm body heat, this comforting scent, China didn't want to let this go. Ever.

Russia ran his hand through China's black strands of hair. "You know, Yao, I realized something today," He spoke softly as he kissed the smaller nation's forehead.

When China didn't answer, Russia continued. "I know I was a little afraid in the beginning, but when Berwald came to us…and I felt the baby kick…I'm not scared anymore. I realized it's an amazing thing to be a family."

A hand reached down to touch the dead, lifeless thing strapped against China's stomach. Russia's warm hands didn't reach China's skin. "I realized, my genes and your genes are mixed together forever in our babies. It's a record of our love."

"It's an 'eternal love', Yao," Russia nuzzled against China's neck, his happiness barely contained. "Even if we're separated again for 50-60 years, a part of me and you will always be together here, with our children."

He placed a hand beneath China's chin and lifted his face up, revealing to lilac eyes a tear-stained face.

"Are your mood swings hitting you again?" Russia asked, kissing away the tears.

China shook his head, his arms wrapping around Russia's waist tightly. Why were tears falling from his eyes, China didn't even understand it himself. How can his heartache for something that never existed in the first place?

Tomorrow. He was going to tell Ivan the truth tomorrow. He'll accept whatever punishment Russia would give him, but for now, he just wants to hold Russia close, listening to his steady breathing.

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A/N: I felt a chapter involving Yao feeling guilty was needed because, well, what he's doing is pretty much a jacked up thing to do. He needs to redeem himself a little bit no?


	10. Baby Shower

A/n: And the truth is revealed 8D. The humor semi-back. A lollipop to who can guess the ending. And yes, Belarus is psycho.

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China ran his hand over the cold bed sheet, his mind still hazy from last night's ordeal. Blearily he opened his eyes to find Russia gone from his side of the bed.

"Ivan?" No answer.

China turned to look at the clock, and noticing the time, sighed. It was almost 11am; no wonder Russia was gone. All the nations (save for Greece maybe) began their day early. Just that last night, China couldn't fall asleep and contented himself stroking silver-blond hair. Sunlight was peaking over the horizon when he finally closed his eyes.

Hastily, China got ready, assured that Russia was still here. Faintly he could hear the sounds of shuffling and murmurings. He was dreading what would happen- of the amount of tiger balm he'll have to use- but it was better if he told Russia the truth now and spend the rest of the day making it up to him.

"Ivan?" China called out as he walked down the stairs.

Chairs scraped, feet stomped. What was Russia doing?

China turned the corner. "Ivan?"

"SURPRISE!"

China stumbled back, his eyes wide with shock. Streamers of baby pink and blue decorated his living room. Banners with words, "Congratulations, It's Twins" hung from his wall. Nations from around the world had party hats on, patting him on the back, asking him multiple questions.

"When are the babies due?"

"Do you have morning sickness yet?"

"Are the babies going to come out from the 'backdoor'?"

"Can I touch it?" France reached his hands to touch China's stomach, but quickly snatched it away when the Chinese nation slapped away the groping hands.

Russia. Where was Russia?! China scanned the crowd for the tall blond....there, standing by the presents the other nations seem to have brought. He weaved his way through the mass of people, adrenaline and nausea coursing through his body.

China opened his mouth, Russia's name on the tip of his tongue. "Iv-"

"Aniki!" Korea pounced on the older Asian's back.

"Aieee! Yong Soo get off me!" China cried out.

Korea ignored the Chinese's struggle and continued to hang off of China's shoulders. "You should have told us that Taiwan and Hong Kong were you're kids instead of siblings!"

That immediately got China's attention. "Wha-what?! What are you saying aru!?"

"You had an affair a long, long time ago with some bandit on a lonely, rainy night and then poof!" Korea made a hand motion, "And you had Hong Kong and Taiwan."

"Wh-where did you get that idea aru!?" China said flabbergasted, feeling his blood pressure rising. This was getting ridiculous!

"Hong Kong told me." Korea blinked his eyes innocently. "He said you were worried that Japan and I would feel lonely not being your kids so you told us Hong Kong and Taiwan were really your brother and sister instead."

Korea hugged China closer, nuzzling their cheeks together, "That's why I love Aniki the best! You're always looking after us! Don't worry! I won't think of you as an old hag!"

Korea starting bouncing up and down on his feet, obviously excited, "But since you rejected me, do you think I can have the breast of you're kids instead? I don't mind if they have a big nose like that Big Nose. They'll be beautiful no matter what because they look like you!"

"No, aru!" China shoved Korea away. He was going to _skin_ Hong Kong alive later! Everyone knew Korea had an overly imaginative imagination, what with his creative way of having his heroines die in his dramas and all. So of course, he'll believe anything Hong Kong said. It was already bad enough that…that they were holding a _baby shower_ for him, but to think the whole _entire world_ believed he could have a baby was grating on his nerves. Just because he had the largest population doesn't mean he could pop out babies himself!

This joke has truly gone too far.

"Ivan!" China yelled, finally making it to Russia's side.

"Ah, Yao-Yao!" Russia enveloped the smaller nation in a bear hug, "Are you surprised? Happy?"

"Oh, yes, I'm surprised," China grounded out between his teeth, "Why is there a baby shower? I thought we were suppose to keep this a secret!"

Russia giggled, "Well you see, America told Canada who told France who told Spain and he told Romano who told Felicano and then he told Germany and was overheard by Prussia, who then-"

"Okay, okay, I get it." China held up his hand. "But that still doesn't explain about the baby shower."

"I just wanted to show everyone how happy we are." Amethyst eyes softened into tenderness. Russia ran the back of his hand softly down China's cheek, caressing it. "Is that wrong?"

"N-no," China stuttered, biting his lips. It was now or never. He tugged on Russia's sleeve. "I-Ivan…I have to tell you something to tell you. Can we-"

China never got to finish his sentence.

Belarus stabbed him in the stomach with a knife.

"OH MY GOD!"

"Someone call an ambulance!"

"LATVIAAAA!!!"

"Get off me!" China yelled as Belarus tackled him to the ground.

"You bitch!" Belarus screamed, "I settled with Nii-san _seeing_ you as a warm body but _babies_?! BABIES?! NEVER!"

She slashed open his shirt, raising her second knife high in the air, "No one can have Nii-san's children except for me! No one!"

China finally got a leg between his and Belarus' body, kicking the female nation away.

"You're crazy!" China panted, watching Belarus struggle against Germany and Spain holding her back.

"Mine! Mine! Mine!"

"Belarus," The hairs on the back of China's neck stood on ends at the ominous voice behind him. "be quiet."

"But Nii-san –"

"I said," Russia's voice spoke softly into his ear, feeling the heat radiating off the larger nation against his back, "Be. Quiet."

Without even turning around, China could tell the frightening expression Russia must have had on his face. Belarus immediately calmed down, apologized for her moment of insanity, and left without a word. Slowly, all the other nations left one by one, each making a lame excuse before scrambling away for the door. Only he and Russia were left in the aftermath.

"Yao~" China grimaced at the sickeningly sweet way Russia said his name. "Can you explain to me what is around your stomach?" He placed a hand on the plastered vest, pulling out Belarus' knife with a sharp tug. The knife clattering on the floor echoed in China's ears as he watched Russia run a finger around the slit it created- slowly, gently.

"I-I-Ivan," China shivered at the way Russia was kissing away at his throat. He felt as if Russia was going to sink his fangs in any moment. "I-I can explain."

"Oh, please do. Do enlighten me on this 'pregnancy' of yours."" China squeaked as Russia tore away the vest, throwing it on the ground with angry thud. He whispered viciously into China's ear, "Or were you ever pregnant?"

China sighed. He had half-expected this. Russia had the right to be angry. China just hoped his body could handle the amount of appeasement he would have to do before Russia got over his anger. "No, I wasn't. I'm sorry, Ivan. I didn't mean for things to get this out of hand."

He turned in Russia's arms, cradling the larger nation's face in his hands. "Let me make it up to you aru?"

China waited, anticipating the moment Russia would crush their lips together, of Russia invading his mouth with his tongue. But it never came.

Tears silently fell from Russia's eyes.

"W-what?" China said, stunned.

Russia pushed him away, hastily wiping at his eyes. All China could do was stand where he was, watching Russia getting farther and farther away from him.

* * *

A/n: I'm rushing this since I want to get it over with. But you get the general idea.


	11. Regrets

China had searched throughout the house, calling out Russia's name, but not even a hint of Russia's shadow was seen. Guilt, nervousness, worry wracked his body- the image of Russia's pained face still fresh in his mind. That was not what he expected. That was not what was suppose to happen! Anger, hate, loathing – emotions easily redirected- he could handle…but grief…sadness? China didn't know where to start. He, himself, knew the pain of losing a family member. No matter how much time goes by, it's always there- the empty void, the endless doubt. China just hoped to whatever God existed, Russia wasn't devastated over the child that never was. How could he? How could he love or feel anguish over something that never existed?

At least that was what China told himself.

There was only one room left he hadn't searched. He hoped he was wrong. Maybe Russia left. Maybe he was on his way home, terrorizing an innocent passerby. He'll make it up to him over time. Just please…please let him not be in that room. However, how could their little soap opera end so easily? The wounds haven't even begun to fester and rot.

The door was cracked open, the soft sunlight from the afternoon sun bled into the hallway. China could hear his racing heart drumming in his ears, getting louder and louder. With shaking hands, he pushed open the door; it swung open with a quiet creak.

There, standing bathed in the sun's rays, was Russia, his large, solitary back facing the door. He was surrounded by teddies bears and toys. Frills decorated the curtains and blankets. The entire room was painted in pastel color of yellow, blue, and ivory.

It was the nursery room.

China watched Russia run his hand over the handmade crib, over the intricate carvings etched into its side. It was a custom made crib Russia ordered himself, going over with the makers every detail, every nuance of its creation. There were figures of the moon, sun and stars, of ballerinas and nymphs prancing in a meadow. The meadow transformed into a lake where swans glided over the crystal surface. The plight of Odette shifted and merged into the swan maiden stolen of her feathery disguise. Weaving in her mortal husband's home, her eyes turned towards the heaven longingly. Upon the clouds where her eyes were set, Sun Wukong waged war upon the Celestial Court. It was a mixture of China's and Russia's myths and legends, of their culture.

Of what might have been.

"Did you know," Russia said quietly, lifting a quilted blanket up from the crib, "I asked Ukraine to make this?"

"I thought since the scarf she made me gave such warmth when there was only infinite coldness, it would do the same for our children." He delicately placed it back down, tucking the corners into the side. "She was always clumsy. Her hands are all bandaged up, did you see? It's…been a while… since I saw her give me something with a bright smile."

Unsure of where to start or begin, China could only say Russia's name, "Ivan…."

"Did you have a good laugh?" Russia whispered, still not turning around to face China. "Did you find it funny I actually _believed you_ because I lo… because I lov…." Russia shook his head unable to say the word. He laughed bitterly, lifting his head up to stop the tears from falling. "Because I had hoped. It was a dream of mine since childhood to have a true family that wouldn't leave me. But that's what it'll always be won't it? A useless dream."

China walked towards Russia, his hand reaching out to hold him, to shield the larger nation from the pain. "Ivan, it's not like that. I can explain."

But China was the cause of this pain.

"Explain!?" Russia shook him off, turning his back onto China, "How can you do something so cruel, Yao? Why would you do something so sick? Why did you bring my hopes up? Why?!" Russia took a shuttering breathe. "If you can, please do explain….I want to know what I did to deserve this…."

When China didn't answer, (how could he answer?) Russia nodded his head as if he understood. "I see…I see…."

"Ivan," China started towards the Russian again, his heart aching, hurting for Russia, "let me make it up to you. I'm sorry."

"Don't touch me!" Russia violently knocking the small hands aside, finally meeting China's gaze. In his eyes spoke of the expected anguish and hate, but beyond that, China could see the betrayal and disappointment.

Russia closed his eyes, trying to steady his breathing. He was in pain, yes, but he still hated himself for lashing out at his precious Yao. He didn't want to hurt him. Russia turned away again, trying hard to regain his composure. "Yao…please…leave. If you still have a shred of feeling for me, please leave."

"Ivan…no…." China felt himself shaking. What was happening? What was happening? The world was titling, falling apart. No….

"Yes, I guess you're right." Russia nodded his head stiffly. "This is your house. I should be the one leaving."

"No!" China threw himself against Russia's back, wrapping his arms around the other's waist in a bone breaking embrace. "Don't leave! Don't!"

Russia blocked out the China's pleading voice, swallowing hard. "I can't even stand to look at you right now, China." He tried to pry the small hands away from his body, "Just let me go."

"Stop it!" China just held on tighter, "Why are you like this? Stop acting so childish! Just talk to me like an-"

"Enough!" Russia flung China off him. The Chinese nation collided with the whimsical crib, knocking it over. When Russia noticed what he had done, he took a tentative step forward, wanting to help China up- an apology on the tip of his tongue. But Russia stopped himself, pulling back. He didn't want to hear anymore. He didn't want to be here. He needed to leave. He had to leave.

"I'm sorry, Yao…." Russia began walking towards the door, the floorboards straining beneath his heavy footsteps. "Goodbye."

"Ivan…." China called out weakly from the ground.

Russia didn't stop, opening the door.

"Ivan…." China cried a little more desperately.

Russia didn't turn. He steadily continued walking.

"IVAN!"

The gentle click of the door closing reverberated loudly in China's ears.

**The End**

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A/N: The second Sino-Russian split? Juuuuuuuuuut kidding. If I end it like that you guys are gonna kill me aren't you? Don't worry, there is one more chapter :P Everything will be resolved then XD

LOL, I took this from my friend who read this chapter. "Now you made me feel so bad for enjoying torturing Ivan in the beginning too" Ohohoh do u guys regret it now too X"DDD


	12. The Customer is Always Right

A/n: I warned you guys. If you wanted to keep the humor skip chapters 8-11. Complete 180 from the first half. As requested of me from the MSN RC group, they wanted make-up sex, but this fic never had any intention of smut so I decided to make a little compromise for them.

Btw…I think it's freaking hilarious how there was a drought of no RoChu fics for days and now there is a whole parade of them. So special shout out to **Lady-Ribbon**, **Doitsu**, and **ihatedancing** for posting more than two RoChu fics/updates in less than a week. (Er…I hope they actually _see_ the shout out since I don't know if they even read this stupid story lol).

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"Ivan…," China slowly got up from the ground, his voice shaking, "Th-this is a joke right?"

He stared at the closed door, willing it to open. His vision was blurring, tears welling up in his eyes. "I said I was sorry….If this is a joke…stop it …." China wrapped his arms around himself to stop the trembling. "….it's not funny…."

This was a nightmare. He must be dreaming. This can't be happening. It wasn't happening. Russia wouldn't leave him. No, no, no, no!

But it was real.

The icy numbness seeping into his very bones made it all too apparent Russia was gone. Gone, gone, gone. He wanted to escape from the horrid reality, pretend none of this occurred, but the nauseating feeling in his stomach, the jabbing pain in his chest cruelly grounded him to reality.

He couldn't breathe, couldn't understand. How could things go so wrong? How could their bond break that easily? For something so stupid!

"Ivan…," China called out hoarsely, wanting at least to taste his name.

Tears were falling from his face freely, wracks of sobs clogging his throat.

"Ivan….," China cried out again a little louder, needing to have something of Russia's fill the emptiness inside him.

He took stumbled forward, his legs weak, his body weary. "Ivan…."

No….

It's not going to end here….

It _can't_ end here….

He won't let it!

"Ivan!" China ran for the door, wrenching it open…and ran right into Russia's chest.

"Aw~ How cute~ You were crying for me," Russia chuckled, encircling China's waist with his hands.

"Wha- How…You…Why…." China could only stare at Russia dumbfounded, remnants of tears still falling from his eyes.

Kissing away the salty liquid from the smaller man's face, Russia nuzzled their noses and laughed, "You're not the only one who's good at acting."

It took a full minute for China's stunned mind to comprehend what Russia said. When he did, he began beating the other nation's chest with his fists, yelling indignantly, "You! How could you do that! Do you know what I was going through! Stupid, Ivan! Stupid! Stupid! I hate you!"

Russia hoisted China up, wrapping the long legs around his waist and pinned the smaller nation none too lightly against the wall.

"Well, I hate you too," Russia whispered, his breath teasing seductively along China's lips, "Now you know how I felt when I found out you were playing me for a fool."

Immediately China's indignation flooded out of him. He didn't have the right to be mad. Eyes full of remorse, China cradled Russia's face in his hands, "I'm sorry."

"That's it?" Russia grounded their hips together, "I went through hell these past 2 months and all I get is a 'sorry'?"

China laughed, placing a quick kiss on the Russian's lips, "That enough?"

"Not even close." Russia crushed their lips together, forcing China's mouth open. He did not silently ask for permission, he demanded it as he plunged his tongue in, invading the other's mouth.

China whimpered slightly from the tiny stinging pain he felt when his head knocked against the wall, but he didn't complain. He submitted to Russia's rough handling since it was only right he do so. He held Russia close, his hands buried into silver-blond hair, his legs wrapping tighter around the other's waist. China sighed, feeling Russia's heat burning him. Yes…this was what was suppose to happen. He reached out to undo Russia's belt, but the larger nation grabbed his hand, stopping him.

"Wait," Russia panted heavily, ending their kiss, "not here."

Blushing from being caught being so wanton, China nodded mutely. He clutched onto Russia's shoulders, resting his head between the crook of the other's neck as Russia carried him off. He was content with letting Russia do as he pleased until he realized, they weren't heading for the bedroom.

"Uh…Ivan…the bedroom's that way?" China felt the need to point out the obvious.

Russia patted his little behind, reassuringly, "I know that, but we're not heading for the bedroom. We're going somewhere else."

Feeling a tad bit alarmed now, China asked, "Where are we going?"

"To Japan's place~"

China sat up in Russia's arms, gazing horrified into amused violet eyes. "Why are we going to Japan's?!"

Russia pinched his nose, giving it a little shake. "You didn't actually think I was going to forgive you _that_ easily did you? Oh no, the fun is just starting~"

-Epilogue-

"Welcome to Maiden's Café, may I take your order, sir?" China said through gritted teeth.

"No, no, no," Russia lightly admonished, "You're suppose to say, 'Welcome back Master, is there anything you would like?'"

China stomped his feet, the frills of his maid dress bouncing up and down. "This is embarrassing, Ivan! I don't want to do this!"

"Shut up, you bastard!" England called from across the room as he walked out of the kitchen carrying a tray, "You dragged me into this. Alfred was just going to give me some love spanking but no, you have to give him this idea. This is all your fault!"

China turned his head around to glare at England, his twin pig tails whipping around, "If I have to go through this, I'm taking you down with me!"

"You damn gender-bender! Just because _you_ like dressing up in this frill dress and thigh length stocking, doesn't mean _I _do! It's freezing my balls off!"

"What? I do not like dressing up like a girl! Plus, you're lying! I know you like- what's it called again- S&M! I bet you wear fishnets, dog collars all the time, and gags! It's not much different from a corset."

"It's completely different! You actually feel like a man! Here, I just feel like a transvestite! You actually look like a real _girl_ in high heels. Which is why you could pull off lying to the whole world you were pregnant. Don't group me with you."

"Oh, yeah, who is getting more tips stuffed into their garter-belt? Certainly not me and," China stomped on Japan's face, "stop taking photos, Kiku!"

"I asked him to take them," Russia said sweetly, "to commemorate this beautiful day~"

"Oh, oh, oh," England pointed to China and laughed, "Somebody sure is kinky."

"Oh don't worry, Iggy, I'm having Japan post the pictures of you on the internet," Alfred mumbled through the mouthful of parfait.

"WHAT?!"

Russia tugged on the hem of China's dress, "Yao~ You're suppose to be serving me right now."

China slapped the hand away, "As you can see, _Master_, the store is busy. You'll have to wait until I get the other orders done first."

Russia grabbed China's wrist and yanked him onto his lap.

"Wha-what are you doing?" China gasped. He would've gotten up, but Russia stuffed his mouth with a strawberry.

"You're _my_ maid. No one else can order you around but me," Russia said with a smile. He snuck a hand beneath China's skirt, kneading the succulent thigh. "Now I command you to feed me, Yao, and maybe I'll forgive~"

China looked nervously around. Luckily the customers were distracted by England pummeling America with a serving tray and paid no heed to him and Russia.

"Wealy?" China mumbled through the fruit, already placing his arms around Russia's shoulders.

"Really."

China began to slowly descend his head, when in the corner of his eye, he noticed a cow walk through the door.

"Oh, my God, Finland!" England yelled, "What are you doing here dressed up as a cow?"

* * *

A/N: I'll end it here. Anymore and the story will just drag on. Soooo am I giving out lollipops to anyone? Anyone guess the ending correctly? I _would've _given you guys the raep butt raep scene but that was too predictable and boring :/ It happened behind the scene while Ivan was convincing Yao to wear the maid clothes 8D

Brief explanations

1) Russia found out the truth the day of the baby shower. Prior to that morning, he had no idea. The baby shower was already planned ahead of time and so he could not cancel it. He found out because Yao was so guilty, he was mumbling in his sleep. He had planned to demand the truth from him _after_ the baby shower but Belarus sort of ruined it. He just went along with the flow though.

2) Sweden and Finland went to Mt. Fuji because it was believed that was the place with the most UFO sightings. They have been there for over 3 days now with Finland dressed as a cow. He barely managed to escape and when he saw Yao through the glass window, he ran to them for help.

Anyway, I hoped you guys enjoyed the ending. I do read the reviews and so included things that WEREN"T planned from the beginning. I wrote in the kissy-kissy scene because people wanted make-up sex (but this story was never suppose to go beyond K rating) and USUK, and SuFin because people demanded know what happened to them. I hope everyone is happy with this.


End file.
